The World's Best Go. Fund. Me Involves Poop, Firemen, and a Tinder Date Gone Horribly Wrong. Go. Fund. Me can be a dark place. Sometimes, it’s your pitiful friends asking you for money so that they can take a European vacation and finally tackle that “research project” they’ve been wanting to do. Other times, it’s truly tragic circumstances, like a stranger asking for help with medical bills. But today, dear reader, one Go. Fund. Me campaign showed the world that misfortune can be hilarious—and even heroic. Tabtight professional, free when you need it, VPN service.The story starts with a guy named Liam Smyth and an unnamed Tinder date in the picturesque seaside city of Bristol, England. It ends with a crowdfunding campaign for £3. Here’s a clue about what happened in between: That’s the unnamed Tinder date wedged behind the window, by the way. And honestly, it’s best to let Liam’s description of the events explain how she got there. Again, it starts with a Tinder date. As Liam writes on Go. BibMe Free Bibliography & Citation Maker - MLA, APA, Chicago, Harvard. This is opulence. Suddenly, there is extra light blasting from behind my TV screen, making a day-glow title sequence positively atomic. The DreamScreen, a. Latest trending topics being covered on ZDNet including Reviews, Tech Industry, Security, Hardware, Apple, and Windows. Fund. Me: After our meal, we repaired back to my house for a bottle of wine and a scientology doccumentary. About an hour in to Louis Theroux and chill, my date got up to use the toilet. She returned with a panicked look in her eye, and told me she had something to tell me.“I went for a poo in your toilet”, she told me “and it would not flush. ![]() I don’t know why I did this, but I panicked”, she continued “I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window”. We’ve all done that, right!? Okay, maybe not everybody’s scooped a turd out of a toilet and thrown it out the window to avoid embarrassing ourselves on a date. But we’ve all thought about it. The problem, Liam explains, is that his bathroom window doesn’t actually lead to the outside. It’s just an empty shaft that goes nowhere. As Liam went to get a hammer to break the window, so that they could retrieve the bag of human shit, his date tried her own method: Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested “inside out blag as glove” technique. Unfortunately she couldn’t reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap. You can see where this is going. At this point in the evening, Liam and his Tinder date are no longer dealing with an errant turd that might fester in the breeze- free airshaft next to his bathroom. The Tinder date is stuck in the window upside down and backwards. That’s her face smashed against the glass above. This part is where the firemen get involved: Unfortunately for my date, at this stage I could see only one way out of our predicament. She had been upside down in the window for around 1. I was starting to grow concerned for her health. I called the fire brigade. Liam explains that the firemen arrived a few minutes later and, once they stopped laughing, freed his date from her poop- powered nightmare with their “special fire tools.” Unfortunately for Liam, the special fire tools completely destroyed the window, and as a tenant, Liam was responsible for fixing it. The £3. 00 expense is roughly equivalent to an entire month’s budget for Liam, who describes himself as a postgraduate student. Thus, the Go. Fund. Me page was born. Liam only asked for £2. The good news is that Liam blew through his goal within a couple of hours. The internet loved the poop story so much that the Go. Fund. Me page went viral. At the time of this writing it’s over £7. Liam says he’ll donate the money beyond the cost of repairing the window to two charities: one for toilets and one for firemen. As is always the case, there’s the chance that Liam’s Go. Fund. Me page and the rollicking saga are some sort of elaborate hoax. However, since Avon Fire & Rescue Service shared the Go. Fund. Me page, and Liam presents multiple photos of the ordeal (including one featuring multiple firefighters), that seems unlikely. Heck, if it is fake, maybe the money can go towards Liam’s writing career, since it would take some valiant creativity to come up with a story like this. Of course, there are far bigger problems in the world today—if you’d like help out those affected by Hurricane Harvey, here’s a good place to start—but Liam’s Go. Fund. Me is probably the only crowdfunding campaign I’ve ever considered donating to without any hope for a return. The story behind it is excellent, involving little tragedy, and the money will supposedly go to a good cause. Some days the internet is good, I guess.[Go. This TV Backlighting System Fucked Me Up. This is opulence. Suddenly, there is extra light blasting from behind my TV screen, making a day- glow title sequence positively atomic. The Dream. Screen, a backlighting system that’s designed to make your TV viewing more immersive, is a luxury that I absolutely don’t need. In theory, the supplementary lights change color based on the pixels on the TV screen for an “immersive theater experience.” In practice, it’s an overstimulating, distracting, nauseating novelty, and I can’t get enough of this shit. What is it? A group of LEDs on the back of a television that make viewing more immersive. Like. Those lights are very pretty. No Like. It can be really distracting and there are a lot of wires. I’m a fan of the Phillips Hue wireless LED lights, and find the ability to change the color of my room with my phone delightful. Dream. Screen, loosely based on the original Philips Hue- adjacent Ambilux television, works in the same vein, so I was keen on it. I do a lot of stupid things to entertain myself, like acquiring a 5. Samsung television with a gimmicky curved display. Dream. Screen seemed like an upgrade. I was naive. I didn’t realize how much I could loathe and love one product. Depending on what kind of TV you have, the kit costs between $1. HD or 4. K, and the size of your screen). The setup is a small feat in and of itself. There are chunky LED light strips to tape to the back of a TV, differently spaced depending on the size of your tv (there’s a guide). There’s a smartphone app that works with your wi- fi to download and set up. Then you need to plug your video source into the video input of the round HDMI splitter, and plug the output into your TV. There are also two optional “sidekick” lights for extra glow ($6. This thing takes up three fucking outlets. Get ready for a wire rat king. You do get the “bigger, brighter” TV the product’s website promises, but the lights don’t exactly extend the screen space; they sometimes echo, and sometimes compliment the colors of pixels around the very edges of your screen, sending rays of color from behind your television across your walls in time with whatever is on. In the case of a dramatic explosion, this is all very sensible, as a good part of your wall will look onfire. It really shines with material intended to be trippy—like whatever the hell that was in episode eight of Twin Peaks: The Return (above), or that psychedelic 2. A Space Odyssey sequence. The more you give it—pink and blue neons, deep reds—the more you get. But it can be confounding in undramatic sequences, with bright blurry bits of clothes and other immovable objects echoing off screen, like dislocated fuzzy chunks. Daylight and black- and- white sequences result in a bright bluish- white screen halo. Letterboxing also presents an obvious, chasmic problem—gaps. I want to emphasize the visual loudness of this thing. Even at the lowest brightness, without the two sidekicks, the Dream. Screen is really bright. I like to watch movies in complete darkness and concentrate on the screen. With the Dream. Screen, the entire room is illuminated, including the dirty laundry in the far corner that I’m trying to ignore. Say you’re the type of person with serious respect for cinematography. The screen bleeding out of the frame in blurry puddles every which way might not be what the cinematographer intended. Despite and because of its flaws, this truly is an accessory of visual excess. There’s also the product’s weird “health benefits” claim that it “reduces digital eye strain.” The claim cites a single 2. TV not hurt your eyes so much. But the study also says that these results are “modest” and sometimes even the opposite. Speaking from personal experience, staring into a significantly brighter TV area is the opposite—my eyes ache after a while. So I wouldn’t take this study very seriously. Where Dream. Screen really shines is gaming. I sit closer to the TV while I game and my focus is more sharply drawn to specific sections of the screen. This position allows the peripheral edges of the game space to blend with the Dream. Screen light extensions and I’m significantly more immersed, just as Dream. Screen wanted. When I’m not watching the entire screen, the patchiness of Dream. Screen’s illumination isn’t a big deal. It’s also more dynamic because more is happening faster, so it’s swishing around me. That’s neat. For most everything else, it’s immersive, but kind of like watching TV wasted is immersive. You’re going to get pulled into the light. You’ll want to squint. Your eyes might skid. You might ask yourself, do I really need to do this? Am I enjoying it? Why am I doing this? Excess and novelty are perfectly good reasons to try something. Getting overwhelmed and bored is a great reason to stop. Until then, the trick is getting used to something completely unnecessary. Awhile back, I saw Wonder Woman in 4. DX, which is extra 3. D, with moving theater seats and “effects.” For two hours in the theater the seat jostled me back and forth and gently spit water into my hair. It was completely unnecessary. But now I wonder, how am I supposed to watch another movie again without steamy, bumpy smell- o- vision? I wasn’t even sure I liked 4. DX, but I’m going back, obviously. Maybe I want to be thrown around. Maybe I’ll always want a “bigger, brighter” TV. Maybe I want to be perpetually overstimulated by entertainment technology. Maybe I want bright lights strapped to the back of my TV, for extra explosions. Nothing in life is perfect. A lot of the things aren’t even good. I think this thing is bad, but also good. No one really needs it, but it’s awfully easy to get used to. When I don’t use the lights, I miss them. Sometimes I’ll even put them on the ambient setting when I’m doing something else. Like “rainbow.” Or “fireplace.” Twinkling in the background. Completely fucking with my head. READMEIt takes up to three outlets. It’s really bright and dramatic. Best for really bright and dramatic sequences in movies and games. Great for gaming and explosions, not so much for movies you respect. How much you’ll like it really depends on your definition of “immersive.”Easy to hate, hard to leave.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
November 2017
Categories |